Becoming Colossus

Over the past few weeks I have been dealing with something that I never thought I would need to. From the time I started school my parents and teachers realized that like my father I had learning "issues" and required special help. I was formally tested and from that came an IEP (Individual Education Plan). The plan basically was that I would get extra time on tests and exams, and would also be allowed computer use. This was due to the fact that verbally I tested as intelligent, but that did not come out in my written work. When I got to college they looked at this same reports and I was given the same accommodations that I had been given in the public system, plus they arranged to have my textbooks scanned in to digital form so a special computer program could read them out loud to me. I did very well with all of that and was very happy. This year I changed from one campus to another campus of the same college. Where I was last year was a smaller campus and they simply looked at my reports and helped me the way they said would work best. This new campus is larger and they had me retested saying that, "we have more to offer and so need to update your report." This update is to take all that I have used and relied on for nearly two decades to help me do well in school. They say that I have learned how to compensate for what was holding me back before, and in fact in all but one area I test with an IQ higher than normal. So I no longer meet the criteria for special help. The details, reasoning, and motivates going on behind the scenes at the campus I question, but that is not the focus of what I wish to write about this week. What I want to explore is the fact that some who once that he was somehow lower academically suddenly being told not only is he normal now, but perhaps better than average.


I have been thinking a lot about my current mental state. The best that comparison I have been able to come up with so far is that of the x-men Colossus. Colossus for anyone who does not know is a mutant super hero with the ability to transform hid body into what is best described as living steel. His form grants him all the advantages that you think it would. He cannot be harmed and does not need to eat or breathe. He is also is so strong he is able to crush diamonds between his fingers. When he transforms it is all or nothing. He cannot for example just transform his hand if he is pulling a pizza out of the oven. He can stay in this form until he decides to transform back into flesh. So he has the choice to be fantastic. Unlike many of the "strongman" type superheroes he is not locked in. Super man is always bullet proof. If you shoot Clark Kent the bullet will just bounce off. Same goes for the Hulk. I have seen images of Bruce Banner being shot in the head one panel and the next the hulk is spiting the bullet out. I am sure I could go on for some time with examples like these. What feel, along with other things about him that I will also go into, makes Colossus a good example of my mental state is that choice. He can live his life as a normal person if he wants to. He could happily stay on his family farm working away surrounded by a loving family that accepts him for what he is and needs him. One of my favorite sense with him is where he is struggling with this choice. Weeping while talking to his father about what he should do when he is asked to be part of the x-men. Should he stay at home with his family that needs him and life a simple happy life? Should he embrace his full potential and help to save the world? One series that explores this in depth is the ultimate x-men series. Where he is seen questioning himself a few different times. He even leaves for a time and becomes a factory worker. The x-men come to him and ask for his help rescuing a submarine that is trapped on the bottom of the ocean. He refuses and says that is not who he is any more, and returns home to his family for dinner. While eating he over hears the news report about the trapped sailors. The next scene is the deck of a ship and a clocked figure being told if there are any issues a rescue team of super heroes can be called in. With that Colossus draws back his hood and stats, "I am the mighty Colossus, if I cannot do it no one can." He of course jumps on the water sinks to the bottom and then carries the whole sub out the ocean and on to the beach.

So to me that is the best example of where I am at. I sense that I have the power within me. I have the love and support of my family. I have the love of a woman who sees the power within me that I cannot. All I need now is the courage to believe in myself and to transform from what I was into something new and amazing.

I would Like to thank who ever drew this picture and posted it on the internet.
It greatly shows the image I have of Colossus,
and the relationship he and Shadowcat have.